The girl at the bar

I met her tonight. I was sitting alone at my friends' future fiancé's previous place of work. It's a bar. It's in my hometown, not far from my parents house. I walked to the bar and assumed I would just be watching the Lakers game and waiting for my friend to come and pick me up.

About 10 minutes into the game, this girl asked me to come sit with her and she offered to buy me a drink. She was dressed really nice and her offer was friendly, and I was more than happy to go and sit with her. I sat with her in front of the bar and we started talking. It was the usual shit at first you know: hey how're you doing, what do you do, ect. My friend, jimmy, had just texted me. He said he was on the way to the place. Before long he joined the girl and I.

She is young. 2 years younger than me. She didn't hide her interest in me, which I immediately liked right away and I did my best to show her I was also interested. I can't stand it when any girl plays that 'hard to get' card. Bothers the hell out of me. It's a bunch of shit.

This girl seemed different from the wealthy suburban girls I've seen for much of my life. Although she was shy, she was forthcoming, which made her all the more cute.

I don't know if it's wrong, but I became more excited with her and more attracted and comfortable with her after I started drinking more. I ended up drinking 5 whiskey/cokes which was 4 more than I initially intended after sitting down next to her. She told me a great deal about her life, and so did I. I even told her a little bit about my family situation, which I partly blame the drinks for.

I haven't outright liked a girl in quite awhile, but I liked her. It's a great feeling. We texted after she left. She suggested I text her tomorrow and I am excited to. She suggested we go to a street that's full of college bars this weekend. I was happy to accept. Hopefully, jimmy can come with us.

Although all went well, I couldn't help recognizing this awful feeling that came to me briefly. It was after maybe the 3rd drink or so. I felt somehow like my father; I felt like I was somehow overpowering this girl with my drunkenness. I felt like I was taking advantage of her innocence, like I was controlling or manipulating her.

Is this a dream, do people think about things like me? Believe me, I am not an overpowering guy in any sense of that word- I care deeply for others and I would never intentionally wish harm on this girl. I am searching for human intimacy, and maybe it's this girl. However, now that I am alone at the end of this night, I feel like I am free again.

I can't help but see something, something scary. I love my isolation. It is the base for my creative, wandering mind. Can someone else be a part of it? We'll see. I love people.