Online chat is something I have used throughout my life. Not on a regular basis, but I've always used them at one time or another. It used to be AOL instant messenger when I was a teenager and now I've progressed to a website called Omegle. You can chat with anyone from any country on this website.
I get on Omegle to feel a connection to someone, to share my thoughts and interests with a person I cannot see. It is extremely hard to find a person that you can have a conversation with. If you get on Omegle with the intent of having a legitimate conversation with someone, you're going to have to spend time getting through the bullshit. Kind of like real life. On Omegle, there are so many people online that will disconnect you once you tell them your age or sex, and there are even more people that just spam the chat with links to webcams. The bullshit is what keeps this site running unfortunately. Kind of like real life too, isn't it?
In these chats, it's a one on one text conversation. There is no video cam (unless you choose the option), like Skype. It's not a chatroom. It's just you and one other person. Before I talk to you about the person I talked to recently, whose conversation I consider one of the best I've had on Omegle, I'm going to tell you about another previous one.
I was chatting with this guy around 6 months ago. His name is Marcos. He is a really nice guy, and we both felt better after talking to each other. He is from Maine, which is a state in the northeast United States. After a pretty basic but enjoyable conversation, we started to talk about our families. Before I tell you anything more about Marcos, I want to mention the thing I like most about him. He likes to do most of the talking, or I guess typing/chatting. I prefer these conversations because I enjoy listening (reading.. whatever, fuck it) to others on Omegle more than talking.
Marcos lived in a foster care center for 8 years with his sister, Princess Leia, before being adopted by a church organist and his wife. He lived with this couple for 3 years. When I initially talked to Marcos 6 months ago, he was 19 and living together with Princess Leia, who he would later tell me wasn't his sister by blood.
This couple that adopted Marcos sexually and mentally abused him for years. Marcos, this honest 19 year old Portuguese American, told me about all this on Omegle. After we talked for about 3 hours he told me he really wanted to see me. I didn't have a Skype account until that moment. I downloaded it, made an account, and accepted his Skype video chat invitation. I had never used Omegle video chat or Skype before meeting Marcos. I already felt connected to Marcos and we trusted each other. On Skype I was able to see him and later on, his much younger sister, Princess Leia.
Through Skype, he told me that he discovered he was gay about a year ago. He was comfortable with the fact that he was, but just not in public. In the back of my mind, before we started the Skype session, I sort of thought he was going to tell me something about his sexuality and possibly make an advance on me. He told me something like (I'm paraphrasing here) "I wish people would just understand that I want to hold my boyfriend's hand in public and not be looked at strangely." I didn't save the chat log with Marcos. I wish I had. Marcos did not appear gay to me when I first saw him and he didn't talk or act like any gay person I've ever known. He explained to me that he thought what happened with his adopted parents had influenced him to be gay. I told him it didn't matter to me that he was. He said this and I'll never forget it because I felt the exact same way. "The connection I feel towards you is the same as my gay friends. The physical part is what gets in the way." The physical part is what gets in the way. I told him how much I appreciated his honesty and he thanked me for listening and not judging him. He told me he felt an emotional release after talking with and seeing me, which I also felt and told him so.
We went on to talk about different things. He asked a few times and I made sure to convince him that I didn't want to participate in any sort of sexual act with him. He explained the feeling he had. He felt like he had to please me somehow, that he thought I needed it, but I continually reassured him that I didn't. The more I smiled, the more he seemed to believe me. I could relate to him so much somehow, and I'd only known him for a few short hours. I told him that I've wanted to please a man before too, but that it didn't mean I wanted to suck his dick or do anything sexual. I have never felt sexually attracted to any man before and still don't.
I hadn't told Marcos about my blog until I decided I wanted to write about him. When I asked him if I could write about him, he said it was cool and that I could use his actual name. His sister's name is Princess Leia, but I don't know Marcos, I think she looks more like Snow White :)
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